Our new favourite airline is Kulula

We reckon this company is a reason to move to South Africa. Weather, people, big tournaments and safari's aside, this airline sells South Africa to us! 

Airlines and airports are a world of compliance and one in which you have that burning desire inside of you to make a joke about a bomb or liquids or something to try and lighten the mood. You don't dare though as you can, and probably will, be arrested for it. Kulula airlines are a breath of fresh air and it would be nice to see them in Britain maybe poking fun at some of our low cost airlines. 

How would they do it? Toilet paper printed with Ryanair money, flight times exaggerated by 2 hours so that Easyjet always look on time (but still fail!)?

We will leave it to Kulula and if our boss won't move us to SA, will Kulula please come to the UK?

The pictures of the plane’s livery hints at the humour and below are some quotes from the Kulula staff on the flights. You can view more pictures of the plane livery in our photo albums on our facebook page.

Quotes from on board Kulula airlines;

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

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On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

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On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

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"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this aeroplane."

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"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

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From a Kulula employee: “Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

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"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

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Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

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"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

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"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

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And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

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Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town, the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.”

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Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our aeroplane to the gate!"

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Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:

"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.

Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"

The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

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After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal".

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Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

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Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this aeroplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

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A plane was taking off from Durban Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier.

While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

Direct Mail Part 5: Increasing effectiveness

The final instalment of our Direct Mail series is just some quick hints and tips that can increase your mailshot effectiveness.

1. Change the headline on your letter. Your product may not change but your opener can
2. Change the timing of your mailshot. By varying the day of the week we increased readership of our own e-mailer by over 20%.
3. Focus on a different product benefit each time to see what works best
4. Get the right message to the right people. Send different messages to different people based on demographics
5. Include a brochure as well as a letter.
6. Include a free gift. It can convince people to respond
7. Learn from experience. Use your direct mail to improve your data
8. Offer a payment option such as interest free credit
9. Provide an early bird incentive. Prompt early action by limiting the time an offer is valid for
10. Offer a number of ways in which people can get in touch.

I hope you have found this series useful and if you wish anymore information please do not hesitate to contact us on;

01356 625033

enquiries@printmatters.info

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